Surprise – and then there were two!
by stacia on July 28, 2010
in meditation, silence
Mother Nature's Creativity
Nick asked me to shoot a few videos of him for the upcoming USANA convention and another one of our sites. While I was waiting for him to get ready, I wandered over to our Butterfly bush and tried to capture Mother Nature’s artwork. I love having this right outside my office window. When the bush is about 6 feet high, the butterflies go crazy with it.
I am not a photographer by any stretch of the imagination, sometimes I just happen to get a great picture.
I’m shooting away, trying to capture a good shot of the butterfly there to the left, and Nick motions for me to follow him around the side of the house. I follow, wondering why on earth we’re heading to the back yard.
Behind our shed? Well, the guys had been throwing the clippings back there every fall when they cut the bush down. Now? HUGE butterfly bush and so many colorful butterflies flitting about. Who knew?
What a beautiful surprise! We’d thought we lost the one out front due to the snow storms, but now I have TWO! Lesson, be open to your surroundings and unexpected surprises.
PS – If you’re a writer and missing the Romance Writer’s of America Conference in Orlando, then head over to Savvy Authors! There’s a summer symposium and I’m running the Muse Workshop from now thru Sunday.
Change is Good, usually….or is your office making you sick?
Sharing a lesson.
So I learned a harsh lesson last week – warning, this is long. Again (the last one was a motorcycle accident and a broken shoulder, I count this one lucky – less damaging). Would you like to know what it was? (And yes, we ALL keep learning, part of being human…)
Listen to your intuition (and your mother).
Yes. I’m serious. I thought I needed to do something for the household: go back to work full time to help balance out the household income. There’s that part of my nature that keeps telling me that I have to be responsible and have a FT job even while trying to build my holistic health business. Really? I should know better.
Wrong. So, the freelance work was light. So, the holistic health practice was quiet. I’d forgotten that the Universe provides nicely if I just pay attention and focus myself instead of getting lazy. You want to manifest a $100 bill. I can and have. FT jobs? Aren’t always stable. I’ve learned that over and over again, so have many of my friends and past co-workers.
I should know better. But, then again, we all have to repeat lessons here and there to really get it. Just because I’m a Coach and a PhD doesn’t mean I get a free pass on the life lessons. Reality Check.
After years, and I do mean years of telecommuting and working on my own, I’d forgotten just how restrictive and invasive working in a corporate office can be. Oh, don’t get me wrong, there are people who thrive on it. Kudos for them. I was one of them, once. Seriously. Our economy wouldn’t be where it was without some of those environments. However, even Robert Propst lamented his unwitting contribution to what he called “monolithic insanity.” Yes, he was the inventor of the cubicle. There is a great article in Fortune about how the idea was not the result.
My feelings? Those environments still using cubicles as workspaces, while maximizing the floor plan, are stifling and killing their people and their creativity.
Let me explain. My office, the one I run, is open, airy, daylight filters in from the overhead solar tube we had installed, relaxed and allows a balance of life to flow. We even set it up according to Feng Shui recommendations. If I need to, midday, I’ll go out for a run and then sit right back down at my desk and crank out all the work I need to. A large bay window to my left lets in light, but also allows us to see the abundant wildlife and occasional visitor. (No, I didn’t get a picture of the deer on the porch eating the tulips, but I’m sure I’d have been paid good money to do so.) I’ve gotten picture of butterflies on the butterfly bush, a fox running through the snowbanks and more. These are the things that keep me sane during 19 hour days and help refresh me after helping clients overcome their health challenges.
These are the things a creative needs to function and produce to the best of their ability. (And you can get some amazing results that way.)
There are three workspaces here – mine, my husbands and one for our son. No walls separate us. All of the computers in the house are in one room – laptops allow us to migrate as needed. My favorite days are those when we’re all in here working…me at whatever I need to get done, Nick working work or our businesses, and our son working on school work or game development (he’s six). This layout allows us ease of updates, keeps us all honest on our web surfing, if you get my meaning, and keeps us together. If I have a client session, the Ocean Office has been built expressly to help promote relaxation and healing. For the most part, we all share the front office. The UPS guy knows I’m sitting right here as does the USPS guy. The motorcycle cop across the street knows to holler before he knocks if I have the front door open because I let the cats roam. If someone (usually Nick, the little guy hasn’t really shown an interest in being on the phone yet) needs to be on a conference call, we adapt, move or share. It doesn’t happen too frequently that we’re on a call at the same time, so it’s been fairly relaxed. (Although, I do know more about Symantec products than some of the Sales Engineers do ~wink~.)
In contrast, I tried to go back to full time corporate environment about 30 miles away, which translates to over an hour in the SUV on the road, each way. I thought I needed to. And, I really wanted to help out an old high school buddy who was so excited about my skill set and so looking forward to having someone to share with during the day. I should have known better. No offense to the company, or my HS buddy. They’re a GREAT company. He’s GREAT at his job, and they’re doing wonderful work for their clients. But, I’m used to being the one coming in to organize things. It’s kind of my specialty. I came in and got handed a document to work on. One. Document.
Multi-tasker meet wall. And stop.
Usaually, when I come into a company, I’m the one organizing everything AND responding to RFPs. I’m learning everything I can on the fly. But, no. Let me explain. Before I earned my PhD, I spent YEARS in the IT industry running multi-million dollar proposals. From start to finish, managing, writing, formatting, editing and getting them to the printer. I’m used to stepping in, taking stock, streamlining and running with the project. I still do so via our other company (but on MY time). I’ve done so over and over again. For years. Proposals work is a high stress business, so it was one of the reasons I went and focused my PhD work on Holistic Health and Stress Management. It’s a natural blend. Not kidding.
My challenge in trying to go back to a FT job? It was just a … culture clash (and my entire being rejecting being in a closed in office with more than 2 people). Don’t get me wrong, I thought I could do it. I’d done it before. I’ve worked in corporate environments all my life. I’m USED to it. I’ve done the commute. I’d set myself up to deal with it, audio books, digital recorder…and then I hit the traffic on the way home trying to get to our son before the after school care closed since Nick was on the road, I couldn’t block out the multitude of conversations (I could hear them from across the building plus the construction work above us), and I couldn’t focus on what I needed/had been asked to do.
Day one, migraine. Day two, migraine continued and then the panic attacks kicked in and completely ruined my ability to eat or focus. Day three? I was done. I used as many techniques as I know to keep myself calm. I focused on the documents, but still couldn’t eat. I got done everything and anything I could. And yet, I never mentioned or showed the hint of instability to those around me. For the record, it took until mid week THIS week for me to be able to eat correctly again. So if you think stress doesn’t affect you? Wrong.
I am a strong person. So admitting that takes a lot. I’d always considered panic attacks to be weak. But now, I know better. A panic attack is our body’s way of telling us that we need to make a drastic decision. We’re in flight or fight mode. And in our society, we can’t react on that, thus the panic attack.
I don’t like being wrong. Who does? And, I don’t like being wrong because I ignored my own internal voice. Double jeopardy.
I’d set myself up for failure…let’s face it, I’d been migrated home for more than 8 years and things change. Everything changed. I’ve worked for start ups who were snapped up by larger organizations. I’ve loved the work. But this time around – fast forward eight years and one small child, I’ve learned I’m not so willing to deal with the inefficiency of working outside of my home. Commuting takes time out of time I could be using to get something, anything DONE for my clients OR myself. I’d forgotten that the whole reason I chose the fields of work that I do is because I can do them from where I want to. Proposals function off hours and for many more hours than people think there are in a day. I love it. But, I don’t love it from someone else’s environment. I can balance that with helping others achieve their health goals AND still keep doing things the OCD part of me loves doing, running proposals and crafting content, winning business.
Let’s face it. I worked jobs with a broken shoulder – broke it on a Sunday, was right back on concalls and creation on Monday. I got them done, we won. I work. I commit. So, the fact that I couldn’t physically walk back into the cubicle environment without being physically ill or passing out? Not my nature.
I’ve learned a few things in the past few years that showed up last week. My highlights:
- While the roads have improved, traffic is worse. The DC Metro area is one of the worst US cities for traffic, regardless of all the road improvements. What was once a 30-min commute is now over an hour. You’ve got 3 lights to get through? Factor in 20 minutes.
- Martial arts & motherhood. My hearing is at an all time high. I hear everything. Apparently, according to a business friend, my brain never shuts the alpha waves off, even during meditation or sleep, when it should. In an office environment, I could hear all of the conversations around me and couldn’t shut them out. At home, I can hear our son and the cats. In the office, I was in fight or flight mode all the time.
- Natural Light. I didn’t realize how much I’d come to rely on natural light. False lighting over the course of hours gives me a migraine. So much so it is hard to concentrate on the screen, where I spend most of my time. Lasik surgery apparently doesn’t help as it makes me more sensitive to light variations. I even have anti-glare glasses (that are not working) for night driving. Whole other issue LOL.
- Office Mates. My office mates, here, are three cats, or my husband, sometimes our son. While my husband is naturally louder than most when on the phone for a sales call (he’s also a musician), I have worked with him all my working life. I know how to tune him out and focus. *insert grins here* Seriously, I can bounce ideas off him, or sit with Bastien (the kitten) in my lap while scowling at a proposal document for the 19th hour. These are the things that balance me…these are the things that allow me to be good at what I do. I create. I move. I draft, content, healing, proposals, results. It’s a blend. Yes, it’s a unique blend, but it is what works for me…and ALL my clients.
- Billable Hours. I bill the hours I work. If I’m onsite working for a client? I’m onsite, working for a client. There is no surfing the web to find vacations or cars. There’s no idle chatter about life. There’s no leaving for lunch because I have work to get done, bill for, and move on. My time is valuable. My clients value my time, and more importantly, theirs.
- Odd hours. I have adapted to the fact that of all the things I do, most are done at odd hours…late at night, early am…here or there (points to the time stamp for this post). It is very rare that any work I do is done between 8-5. It just doesn’t happen that way.
I tried.
I promise I did. I used every technique I’ve been trained to use to keep myself calm and sane. The gray walls closed in on me. I tried to put music on, that darn voice in my head started screaming at me, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I had to take the ear buds out and walk around before I made myself ill. My body rejected it before my mind adapted. I couldn’t eat – for three days I had about 400 calories each (hello weight loss). My thoughts were helter skelter. I had to check in with therapists I know to ask if i was going crazy. I’m a PhD. I’m a black belt. I am perfectly comfortable getting up in front of a group of strangers to talk about any topic they’ve asked me to speak on. And now, I know exactly what some of my clients are going through when they come to me.
I realized too, once I’m in panic mode, I can’t talk. I can write. But if you ask me to talk, I lose it. Apparently, I’m not a verbal communicator, no matter how much I’ve tried to train myself to be. Once I’m in response mode, it takes a while for me to be able to verbalize a response.
So put me in a cube, give me a single document to work on, realize I can’t eat without being ill, and pat me on the head, even in friendly banter? (Yes, it took me until today to realize I was actually patted on the head about something. Kinda like the time the guy trailed a finger down my neck to see the tiger fur tattoo without asking. Creeped me out. I reported it the first time…this time, didn’t realize it till now. Shivers.) I was done. I’m project focused…so one project, I research, find results, craft, send out the draft, then wait. But by waiting, I mean I go do other, life things. If I send something out, I’m done until something is sent back. I balance. I go out for a run. I work on another project (usually one of my own like doing voice work on hypnosis CDs) or something. But I don’t try to create busy work to keep myself looking like I’m doing something productive. That’s inefficient. I bill for the hours I work. Otherwise, I’m off creating something. Hopefully, something useful for someone else!
So, this is me.
Your Holistic Health Coach, your hypnotherapist….admitting I screwed up. And, I should have listened to my mother (and my mother in law) who asked me, “Do your realize this is not you?” For the record, my mother hasn’t said, “I told you so.” I love her. 
She listened, she explained from her position as a manager that I am NOT one of those who should be placed in a cube environment away from all that I know and love in order to be insanely productive. Universe bless her…she pointed out that being in a people environment sucks the energy out of me, as did the other three CEO’s in our family. We’re just that focused of a family…poor cousins and my son….they have to live up to that. I digress. I am one of those if you give a project to me, I go off and do it. Yes, I knew that. I just hadn’t realized how much that had changed in the last few years.
I suppose this entire post is meant to share, but also ask, are you listening to your true nature? Are you doing what you SHOULD be doing, or just going through the motions because you think you have to? Are you recognizing when your body protests? Are you really listening?
Honestly, what does your base nature want you to be doing? Are you killing it just to pay the bills? Or are you working the job with the idea it’s going to fund what you really want to be doing?
Instant Stress Release using Reverse Pattern Breathing
by stacia on April 9, 2010
in meditation, silence, stress
Post written by Stacia D. Kelly. Follow me on twitter.
I teach this technique in ALL my classes and have included it in Muse – Breathe. Focus. Achieve. My eBook for helping writers overcome their writer’s block.
Breathing is both a voluntary and involuntary action. This post is going to teach you to focus your attention on your breath. Breathing in this manner requires focus to do it correctly. When you find your attention wandering, simply bring it back to the pattern.
This is not the style of breathing taught in Voice Coaching, nor will you find it in Yoga, Qi Gong or any other of the soft styles of movement.
Each of those techniques has a specific outcome, to increase your lung capacity and to allow you to feel the breath and energy move along your body. Reverse Pattern breathing is only about focus.
Sit up straight for the moment, so you can really feel your body following the movements. The mantra, or phrasing you want to hold in your mind, is “In and up, out and down.” You’ll hear me use it frequently in the MP3s I have posted for stress management and creativity.
- You’re going to breathe in, pulling your navel into your spine. And up, allowing your lungs to expand and fill with air.
- Breathing out, reverse it. Allow your lungs to collapse and your belly to round.
- Slow and steady. Repeat it at least three times to start and work yourself up to using it as part of your relaxation sessions. That’s all there is to it! Yoga and Qi Gong will teach you alternate patterns to focus your attention as well. I find this one works for me no matter where I am. If I focus my attention on breathing in this manner, I can control my blood pressure at the doctor’s office or even calm myself before stepping in front of a large group of people to give a lecture.
PS – You can teach Reverse Pattern Breathing to anyone! It will help a toddler calm down during a temper tantrum, help you control your temper and response in an argument, and even keep you calm at the dentist. For those who would like more relaxation for children, please check my website for the “softly to sleep” MP3. It helps the small ones relax down to sleep with less of a fight.
